Its been quite some time since I've posted a blog. When I first started this, it was an everyday ritual. I've become quite the slacker in my postings. Its still a ritual for me during the week, to visit the site, read all my girlfriends blog pages, and then to sit and stare at mine trying to come up with something interesting, something that others may care about, and preferably, something upbeat. However, what I've learned about blogging is, it doesn't necessarily have to be positive and full of sunshine. In the beginning, I said I was going to write about whatever was on my mind; positive or negative, happy or sad, opinionated or not...this was my blog. I'm going to try to get back on track with things and start posting again everyday, or hopefully at least once a week.
Today's blog is about reality. I've been living my life in a huge bubble that has recently started to leak and I've been introduced into the world that I refused to live in...hence the fact I took refuge inside this bubble. I don't know what I thought my life was going to be like; all fun and games, partying everyday, no cares about anyone or anything, living by the seat of my pants and day by day with no light at the end of the tunnel or a plan for the future in sight. I just got a rude awakening. I've always been very independent; earned everything I have, and never relied on anyone (other than my parents in a time of need) for help. I'm proud of that, of my independence. Then Saturday, I had a conversation with someone who was talking about marriage most of the day. She wanted to know why guys are so scared to get married because her step-son is petrified, even though he knows that his current girlfriend is his soulmate. As the conversation continued, the more she said, the more I realized that guys are not the only ones...I've always said that I didn't need anyone and would never marry. Over 1/2 my friends are divorced, in the process of divorcing, or contemplating it. I think its been a fear of failure. A fear of losing my Independence. We continued our conversation, although through most of it I sat quietly and listened to how much she loves her husband, and while he's not her first husband, that's why hes her second. He makes her laugh everyday, and to her that is important in a relationship. It got me thinking about a lot of things; I've been selfish, not because I don't want to "lose" the above listed, but I've been selfish to myself for not wanting to be truly happy with someone. As well as selfish to them for not letting them in. Then she said something to totally knock me off my stool. She told me, "I'm one of the strongest, young females that she knows. I can take care of myself, and don't rely on a man to do the job for me. I know how to appreciate everything I have, because I worked hard for it and it wasn't given to me. I value respect, and don't put up with disrespect because I'm worried about someone taking something away from me. Now I just need to learn how to share. Share my possessions, share my thoughts/feelings, and share my life with someone else. Being strong is a good thing, it will keep your relationships strong when you finally meet someone that you are willing to "share" with."
It made me realize, my youth is getting dimmer, I can't party like I used to, don't really want to either. I'd rather spend a Saturday night on the couch with a good movie, just not every Saturday night, lol. I've decided to start something new, a new perspective and a plan for my future. I know all this won't fall into place overnight, but at least it is something to work towards.
On another note, I'd like to ask why if I'm such a strong person, why I do not have the strength to do laundry. I absolutely hate laundry, wish I was rich and could just buy new clothes rather than wash the dirty ones. I have piles everywhere, all sorted, just can't bring myself to throw them in. Actually, that's not the part that bothers me. Its the folding that I hate...