Absent Motivation

I’ve noticed that since I’ve gotten old, I’ve slipped into a funk. I’ve become lazy. I used to be so active. Engaged in sports – I figure skated, I played softball, I went to the gym regularly, now sports consist of washers at a BBQ and 12 oz curls; I took pride in my appearance – I never left the house without my hair fixed, makeup done and something appropriate for where I was headed - dressed to the 9’s, I went tanning (which I quit mostly because it is so bad for you and I only get red!), now I roll out of bed, leave most of the time with wet hair, minimal makeup and a hoodie (or t-shirt) and a pair of jeans and sneakers. I related #2 to number one. I have no pride in my appearance because I have allowed myself to get so lazy that I’ve put on weight. I’m not obese or anything, but those size 6’s in my closet from 4-5 years ago DEFINITELY won’t fit anytime soon. How do I get my mojo back? I know what I want, I know how to get it, but yet I find myself constantly telling myself that I’ll start tomorrow…
I have something coming up in a month (I hate keeping secrets, but I just have to right now) that it is very important for me to start running. The fact is – I HATE RUNNING. I always have, even as a child. But this is something that I do have to prepare for. I have to run. Even something that is very important to me is still not enough motivation for me to get off my lazy arse.
Some of you may or may not know – I had a bit of a weight problem 4 or 5 years ago…right when I stopped all the sports and exercising. Heck – I was in my “prime” and I wanted to P-A-R-T-Y…which I did. And in turn, all that beer went straight to my gut. I was dating a D*bag back then who pointed out everyday how much better I would look if I “dropped the lbs”. He went to the gym every day, why couldn’t I? Because I didn’t want to was not an acceptable answer for him, so I went. I lost 20 lbs and I was ecstatic…but that wasn’t good enough for D*bag…he wanted more. At that point – I was devastated, I was so proud of myself and thought that he would be too (hence his name…D*bag). But I didn’t give up; I was destined to please. I became obsessed with losing weight – I lived on turkey franks and tuna fish for 6 months. I went to the gym almost every night. I dropped another 45 lbs. and man was I happy with my results. I was a size 4! Can you believe that! I wasn’t even that my junior and senior year of high school! But guess what…that wasn’t enough. Now, I’m not that stupid…I actually did lose a little more than that, not intentionally, but I looked sick. My proportions were not right for my waist size. (Insert Picture of Heidi Montag here). So I put some back on to balance me out…a size 4 was good for me – but a six, now that was perfect!
So my motivation – some jackass telling me I’m fat and me being young and dumb doing whatever it takes to please him to the point of I’m a size 6 and your still saying I’m fat?! Well it worked, but I’m not with a D*bag now…therein lacking motivation. This time around I need to do it for myself not because someone is telling me to. But how do I motivate myself??